Six Degrees of Canadian Bacon

This is not bacon

Canadian bacon is a travesty. It besmirches the good name of bacon. You expect a symphony of salty, fatty, crispy, smoky goodness. Instead, you get a disc of ham. That’s it. That’s all there is. There’s nothing special about it. It may be a healthier alternative, but why bother?

I should sue for false advertising. Bacon, as defined by the Paula Deen-English Dictionary, is meat that has been sliced from the depths of porcine fauna, salt cured, and smoked. Those slices are then fried to a state of crisp perfection. I think Oprah’s hetero life partner Gayle would agree: Bacon is better crispy.

I tried to fry this so-called Canadian bacon and it turned into a gloopy mess. The exterior casing/rind caramelized and left unappetizing streaks of what appeared to be motor oil residue all over the face of the meat.

Frankly, that extra surface area just doesn’t work for me. It means uneven cooking as the meat will tend to curl in on itself like normal bacon. Curling and name DO NOT MAKE BACON.

There’s a slab of peppered smokehouse bacon in my fridge that is calling my name. It may be embellished bacon, but at least it’s actual bacon.

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One thought on “Six Degrees of Canadian Bacon

  1. jediSwiftPirate says:

    holy crap i most definitly adore BACON!

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